I’ve seen a lot of people accepting “the way things are” this year.
Accepting that they “don’t have the budget” to do what they really want to do. Accepting that they have to put off their heart’s desire “until things turn around.” Accepting limits of all kinds, much more than in “ordinary” times.
It’s understandable.
And yet … is it really how we want to be? (Even who we want to be?)
Is it serving us to be so accepting?
I’m reminded of that famous prayer – you know, the one that asks for “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”
The thing is … how do you know whether a situation is truly something you cannot change?
What “givens” might be softer than they appear? Which are important enough to your future to be worth questioning, even challenging?
Granted, sometimes I’ve felt I had so few resources that I kind of liked sticking to the status quo. Sometimes it feels comfortable to let yourself be boxed in by conventional thinking. (Or by “being realistic.”)
But the times when I’ve pulled myself out of that cozy little box and felt my oats – well, those are the times that have defined who I am.
Long, long ago, I was in the Navy, stationed at an air base in Japan – and for sure feeling hemmed in by regulations. But somehow I got the wild idea to open a photography studio just outside the main gate of the base. It seemed a crazy request when I asked my boss. But to my surprise, the base commander said OK.
(Worked out pretty well for me: made about $50 after expenses, and after my tour of duty ended, I got a $1000 bank loan and mounted one-man shows of my photography in places like Monte Carlo, Lisbon, Madrid, Amsterdam. Who knows where we may end up when we pursue our passions?)
I get such a kick out of defying scarcity (time, money, talent, choices or whatever) by seeing what I have going for me. And then using that oomph to stand up for what I want.
What could it mean for you to cut through? To not accept “the way things are?”
Can you find somewhere, someway, somehow, however small, to act against the tyranny of the status quo that tells us to accept assumptions that really are worth questioning … that will affect our lives over the long haul?
Best,
Jim
P.S. Yes, I do remember the rest of that prayer … about the courage to change the things you can …
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Getting a kick out of defying scarcity…there is always a crack in limits. Just asking the question finds where the crack might be. It was the courage to ask the base commander that might be our example. Defying scarcity may mean finding the right “authority” and the right question.
Roger, that’s so insightful for me: The power of the question. The right question to the right “authority.” And thinking of it as a *crack* that you’re looking for.
I always learn from you. Thank you, Roger, very inciteful. Jim
I enjoyed this post, Jim. Success means learning to let go in the right way. Not to give up, but to give all (at risk of embarrassment) – not to lose control but to lose the notion that control is what matters. I’ve observed that people who really “take charge” of their circumstances – Lincoln in a civil war, Mandela in apartheid, Parks in a city bus and my 3-year-old with one of her adorable notions – have not MORE control of what might come of their commitment but LESS. Because what contributes to success is not control but a relentless array of strengths and resources we can’t see until we’re ready to lay it on the line for a purpose.
“Can you find somewhere, someway, somehow, however small, to act against the tyranny of the status quo that tells us to accept assumptions that really are worth questioning?”
I’ll be pondering that one.
This came to me at a time I needed it most. Thank you Jim. You have given me the inspiration to stand up for what I want – and I’ll bet you’ll be at the finish line when it happens.
Jim
When I read your thoughts this morning, my mind immediately went to a number of says I have close at hand that I review when times seem difficult. I want to share some of those sayings with all of us:
“Do not let things that you cannot do interfer with the things you can do!” John Wooden
“Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal – my strength lies solely in my tenacity.” Louis Pasteur
“What we need to teach ourselves and our children is defiant optimism. The best careers are yet to be designed; the best organizations yet to be formed; the best governments yet to be built; the best books yet to be written – the best is yet to come!”
Charles Garfield
“I have always believed that action alone will remove the doubt that ideas, theories, plans, suggestions and endless talk can never change.” Jon Huntsman, Philanthropist
And last but not least – the great Guru Yoda – “Do. or do not. There is no try!”
McClain
I find that sometimes that “authority” is me!
thank you jim for asking these difficult questions.
i think i found my answers even before i opened your mail. the answers came last night as i read the journal of a friend. the subject was on ‘grounding’ and what it means to be spiritually grounded in palawan, an island south of manila.
http://innerdance.multiply.com/journal/item/199
i visited palawan a couple of weeks ago, and somehow, i experienced how it is to be more accepting of things, to flow in the water of life and find my peace.
i’m sure my context is different jim, but just the same i’m sharing my thoughts with you, as you have abundantly shared yours.
Jim, thanks for this, it reminds me about what you mentioned earlier about feasibility study, which discourages people to move forward because many times the report is negative.
I remember one of lecturers at the University told us when we were studying a subject called: Study skills, and told us never to make goals that depended on others, she said that we should make goals that mostly depend on our self, so we manage its direction, but at the same time accept the situation as it is and make adjustment accordingly. I say that when I want something, and I can see it (my vision), it does not matter what is in the middle (whether valleys/ mountains, rivers etc). Thanks again for this energizing discussion.
Each of these comments deserves further comment!
At the moment, I feel compelled to pause for Jastus’. He has come to workshops and the leadership program from his home in Kenya.
And so I’d like to point out the *ocean* in the middle that he’s crossed so often in pursuit of his vision of learning — and John Barger who nominated him and provided scholarship support, among other support Justus has tenaciously secured.
If you’ve met him, you know that Jastus, as gentle-hearted as he is, still is a man who goes after what he wants, always respectful, but just the same always questioning “Why does it have to be this way?” … finding a work-around so he doesn’t have to accept “the way things are.”
I’ll bet there’s a correlation between those like Jastus who want these experiences so much they go to these lengths, and the kind of influence they end up having — as he’s shown in his report from the field over the past few months: http://bit.ly/LFCK0
Thank you Jastus and all — for being in my world.
What a thought provoking as wel as inspiring messgae Jim. It has come to at a time when I am CHOOSING yet another time in my life to a risk. The risk of questioning the status quo (of unfair practices), the risk of being vulnerable in many ways yet sticking to my conviction of being the voice who do’nt count because they are nobody’s votebank – they are children.
I still face the question for not writing my surname and every time I answerthat, I my lil way, I break the status quo.
Your workshops give me energy and sense of belonging to a franternity who is lke minded and is doing such acts of courage in different part of the world. Much appreciated Jim. Thank you.
Dear Jim:
I pondered your question for a while. I got to thinking about my “islands of achievement” and how I am trying to change peoples’ pictures (and consequently their actions) in terms of dealing with the world’s “failed” states.
What came to mind was the discussions I had with the former leaders of the Somali National Movement while I was in Hargeisa, Somaliland, in August and September. They are part of a people who refused to accept the way things had been (in Somalia), so much so they were prepared to fight to be free, and then – when many of their cities had been razed to the ground, started to rebuild – even though no one in the outside world recognized them as an independent state.
The SNM is probably the only liberation movement in Africa that has ever, willingly, handed over power to civilians when their fighting was done. I asked them why that was, and they said that they were determined – even in the liberation struggle – to avoid recreating the kind of authoritarian dictatorship that brought Somalia to disaster. In other words, they didn’t want to become like the people they were fighting against. They believed so much in democracy that they lived it, even during the challenges of fighting Said-Barre’s forces.
Once their goal was achieved, they worked with the civilians to build a new country.
A key part of building that new country was deciding not to settle old scores, because some clans had supported the government and some had supported the SNM. To build a new society, they needed everyone – even when they had been on opposite sides of the war.
That was a very brave decision, because many dreadful things were done during those years of fighting They decided that reconciliation was the only way forward, and that is how they built their state – on a basis of reconciliation, hard work, and everyone pitching in to do whatever they could and give whatever they could.
That meant having hundreds of small meetings, that eventually grew into bigger meetings, all self-funded with help from their diaspora – but no one else. People donated space, food. The women cooked – and watched from the door. However, while it is the men who do the talking, the women pushed men back inside the room, if they tried to leave, so they wouldn’t leave til they reached agreement.
The women told me that in 1993, in Borama, they urged the new government to create a police force – and when they did, the small businesswomen of Hargeisa bought the uniforms for the police. A businessman funded the printing of the new Somaliland shilling. My friend Edna Adan Ismail paid for the rubber stamps for the new customs officials.
A man in the diaspora, working in Yemen, heard on the BBC that people from Djibouti had to come and go in a single day, because there was no hotel in Hargeisa. So he started to build one, with his earnings from his work in Yemen – and now it is the Mansoor Hotel, where key meetings still take place. More recently, another businessman decided to build a hotel on the other side of Hargeisa (the poorer side), even though people told him he was crazy, and his hotel both inspired redevelopment of the surrounding area and has helped further with reconciliation among clans.
Edna built a hospital to serve the women and children; she used her UN pension (she worked for WHO for many years), taught women how to make mud bricks when they wanted to help, supervised construction from her “office” under the tree in the front yard, and lived alone in the half finished building for almost a year. She sold her jewellery to buy toilets and sinks for the hospital.
There are hundreds of similar stories.
So that was what comes to mind for me, on the question of ‘accepting the way things are’.
Did y’all notice that Vibha, who lives in India, wrote about not using her surname? Maybe she’ll write a note of the significance of refusing to go along with the “way things are.”
And Rosemary, who is in Serbia among other places, mentioned her idea of “island of achievement.” I want to tell you that that idea will soon be published in book form.
I’m so proud — and full of gratitude on this Thanksgiving Day here in the U.S. — of both of these “alums” of the Quest workshop and my leadership program.
Dear Jim,
You always inspire us with new ideas. I am really grateful and very much touched with your commitment to make a difference in people. This particular message has helped me a lot to explore new possibilities in what I am trying to accomplish in Nepal. Thanks a lot!
With best regards,
Sahadev
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