New Futures Circle

A few days ago I found a new TIME magazine in my mailbox, and right there, smack on its cover:

The recession has changed more than just how we live. It’s changed what we value.

(TIME is one of about 15 or 20 news magazines I try to flip through each month. I read very little in each, just searching for what inspires and encourages me.)

TIME cast these days as a time in which what we value is being transformed.

They report:

Studies find that a millionaire is no more likely to be happy that someone earning one-twentieth as much.

I thought these days were prompting people to return to timeless values. But even I was stunned by this tidbit:

…nearly four times as many people say their relations with their kids have gotten better during this crisis than say they have gotten worse.

The story concluded with the notion that it will be interesting to see if years from now, this season will be remembered for “what we lost, or all that we found.”

The TIME cover story gave a big shot to confirm my thinking — about the new conversation we can be convening.

Right now, as intangible values are rising to the top of our awareness, there’s an unprecedented opening for people like you to inspire others and draw attention to what truly matters.

More useful insights from my conversation with Judi Cantor, who facilitates philanthropic collaborations between donors and the likes of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, the American Museum of Natural History, and now the Children’s Museum of Boston (where she serves as VP for Development) …

We talked about how to find the stories that will inspire others. And she has lots of them …

I remember one woman who gave $500,000 for the organ at the symphony. We did it all over the phone. I didn’t even get to see her until I went to her home to thank her for it. Even over the phone, I could hear her being so excited about this gift.

When I finally met her, she was going blind. She could hardly see me. The first thing she did when she opened the door was hug me. She said, “We’re going to have a glass of wine.” I thought, “Oh my! You’re almost going blind. How are you going to do this?”

She ran to the refrigerator, found the bottle, opened it up, and poured two glasses flawlessly. She didn’t spill a drop because she was excited about the fact that they had done this.

I get this experience with all the major donors. It’s that they can do it. They really can do it.

It’s a passage in their lives. It’s so far beyond the notion that their giving is entertainment to make them feel good for a little while. It has changed their lives. It’s part of their biography.

Like you’ve said, Jim, it’s transformative.

Yes, it is, that’s the word. And harkening back to Judi’s love of biography, the beauty and privilege for us is that we get to be with a person and contribute to the next chapter that they will tell in their life’s story. Perhaps one of the most interesting and compelling chapters.

Against this backdrop, and when you hear Judi talk about the love of her work, it seems so superficial to think of this endeavor as simply “fundraising.”

The board can play an important part in creating an organizational culture that supports work like Judi’s. But often board service seems to become routine … or filled up with small stuff.

So I asked Judi about board members: “With all the speed, noise and everything else around, how do we facilitate the first step for them — slowing down so they can pay attention to something extraordinary?”

That’s going to take some extraordinary leadership. I really think it starts with a compelling story to get people quiet. I think you’re absolutely right. I think they need that moment of solitude to start delving within.

We want them to break the status quo of being just task-oriented. We want them to just stop and appreciate a story of what they make possible.

Exactly.

I asked, “What happens if you bring a story from the museum to one of the meetings and you start with it? Is the agenda considered to be too sacred and full to take the time for a story of something that happened last week that relates to the aims of the cause?”

I think we should tell stories like that. I have a wonderful story from one of our trustees. Every time I tell it, I get tearful. It’s such a simple, beautiful story.

I told her I wanted to hear it.

This is a trustee who is chair of our development committee. She is a ball of fire. She’s an amazing person. I asked her once how she really got involved with the museum. This was at a committee meeting.

She said, “I can’t tell you right now.” I said, “Why not?” She said, “I just can’t. I’ll tell you later.

We were alone, and she said, “I promised I’d tell you the story, so here goes.”

It was 9/11. She was beside herself. Every day, she realized that she was shaking with anger.

She had two small children. They were boys who were 4 and 5. She decided that she would take them to the museum. She sat down with them and started watching them play.

She realized that this wave of comfort came over her as she watched them play, be animated, share with each other, and do a lot of different things around the museum. She decided to bring them back every day.

She said that for three months, they came to the museum, and she would watch them. Then she would begin to watch other children and the way they acted with each other. She said that gave her hope for the future.

What’s interesting about that story is that I can’t tell it without tearing up and neither can she. It’s been nearly eight or nine years.

Will you let me know what it was like after you ask her if she’ll tell that story to a few people?

OK. That’s a great idea.

I wonder if that could be the catalyst that transforms the board experience because of it being her personal experience. That’s a question most people probably wouldn’t ask. “How did you get here?” What a powerful story that is, and she’s still living it.

Thank you.

That prompted me to ask Judi what she thought might be at the core of these kind of experiences — at the heart of her success. She went right to it without hesitation. It’s something that exudes from Judi, you can tell it just from her voice (and by the way, I’ve found that it’s something that can be learned).

You need a true appreciation for the person. The people from the three different stories I told you are such remarkable people. I appreciate these donors so much.

That word — appreciate — is such an important word. I appreciate the lives they’ve lived, the hardships they’ve been through, the frustrations they’ve felt, and the absolute joy they have when they make this gift. You told me this many years ago.

One of the most remarkable things in the world about being a fundraiser is when someone gives you a seven-figure gift, and they start thanking you. You say, “No, thank you.” They say, “No, thank you.”

You almost want to make a comedy of it because they’re thanking you, yet they are doing the giving. It gives them such a joy.

To experience that almost feels as if you’re being lifted by some kind of force.

There’s something that is not tangible. There’s something else present, a force of some kind. It’s something that’s beyond you and that person. There’s something else operating in that dynamic. It’s profound, isn’t it?

It really is profound. Everybody wants to toast the moment. It’s so exciting for them. I look back at the aha moment for the physician. He was so excited. It was so much fun to see him so excited that he was going to give away over $1 million. What can you say about that?

I want to put this caveat on what I’ve just said. That is that I’m not a person who’s happy all the time or anything. I certainly get depressed just like everybody else does. Having these experiences is just so wonderfully uplifting.

It really does stem from having been taught by you. You have to congratulate yourself on what you’ve done for so many people.

I told Judi how it’s absolutely amazing to me. It’s so profound that it’s hard to take it all in. I think of taking it in just about her, let alone even the people who were with us at that particular workshop. How you can transform your work into something that gives so much meaning for yourself because of giving to others.

(This is part two of my conversation with Judi. Catch up on the first part here.)